The Power of Free Will

There comes a point in life where you look at where you are, how far you have come, what you have gained and where you are going. When I do this I always like to look at what the changes were that I made which helped me accomplish what I have so far in life and in doing so I realise that most of those changes were who I allowed into my life and let go of.

Most of us understand the concept of staying positive in order to accumulate more positivity and to live a happy life. The Law of Attraction. What you put in you’ll get out. Reap what you sow etc. etc. – A lot of the time though we don’t realise that in order to do so we need to be aware of the toxic people in our lives.

It takes deep self-honesty to do so because a lot of the time it is hard to admit you have made a wrong decision in befriending someone who is actually toxic to your life or you might be under the impression that you love this person. Ultimately the choice will have to be made as to whether you choose to keep living this way with these people in your life – or you have to break free and live the life you were born to pursue – a happy positive and abundant one.

A quote from Brian Carruthers – “You are, or will become, the average of the five people you associate with the most.”

I like to think of my home and space as an area of positivity – a place where my family and I feel safe and secure. Together as positive separate units we make one big happy ball of positivity. This makes me feel like together we are more powerful in attracting abundance and even more happiness. I like to visualise it in my mind as a yellow giggly happy ball of family squishiness and love. Of course everyone has their ups and downs. Of course we are allowed to cry and vent if we need to. When it is over it is gone though and we try to move on from it. It is very important to feel every emotion you experience so you can understand it and learn how to deal with it. This is why, when I allow someone into our space, I am very careful and cautious about who they are because negative people don’t just affect your vibrations but they affect the energy around them and everyone else around them. I know of a few people who I would never allow into my space because it would feel like I am compromising the positive vibes our unit has already created.

Negative people are noticeably pessimistic and will exhaust you. Damaging energy and drama follow them everywhere and they can pull you into their chaos disrupting your focus and side-lining your goals. Negative people can sometimes behave irrationally and you will waste your time and energy if you try to make sense of their actions. I don’t think it is possible to continually live with someone like this in your life without either falling into the same pattern they follow or becoming completely drained from either trying to shield yourself from them or by trying to help them/listen to them.

You might think that when you are “detoxing” your life from these toxic people that you might start feeling lonely but in the long run it is better to have a few good friends than a whole bunch of negative destructive ones. Slowing start building new positive friendships. In the end every time you subtract negativity from your life you make room for more positive.

You might also think that the amount of drama it will cause in trying to get rid of them is not worth it in the end but maybe just by remaining positive and limiting your time with negative people they will eliminate themselves from your life without you having to do anything. Or seeing as though we are trying to be more positive here you might even turn them into positive thinkers! You will have to realise though that if someone is not on the same vibrational level as you and they can’t lift themselves up to your level that your paths will inevitably split. From my own experience leaving it to that point is even more draining.

Ultimately what matters is that you are living the best life that you can. You cannot live a fulfilled life when other people are dragging you down in whatever negative way that they do it. You have free will – don’t forget that. Free will means you ultimately determine what you believe. Freedom is the ability to say yes or no. Free will is the ability to do so. Free will is the exercise of freedom, the ability to choose between alternatives. We have a choice. This means you don’t need to let people affect you negatively, you don’t need to allow negative people into your life. The decision is yours. Know your worth.

“Every day you must unlearn the ways that hold you back. You must rid yourself of negatively, so you can learn to fly.” – Leon Brown

How to Positively Get Over People Who Hurt you

I have always tried to be as confident as I can be throughout my life - not with ease however and it did not come naturally as inside I was a trembling shy little girl and in public I tried to come across as strong independent and confident. That was me feeding my ego and trying to become someone I was not.

As I have grown up through the years - I started moulding into the confident person I had tried so hard to become but this happened gracefully and naturally because I learned to accept and love who I am. I am proud of how far I have come.  But even when we reach this stage in our lives - when we learn to love and accept ourselves - there will still be obstacles to overcome in this regard - obstacles that test your confidence in knowing who you are, that make you rethink the choices you have made and ways you see yourself, that test your confidence in yourself. Lately I have learned a lot of new lessons in this area of my life.

One of these obstacles relate to people who put you down - indirectly by using gossip or slander - or directly by telling you the negative things that they think of you, or maybe even in a passive way - by treating you less than others but without directly or indirectly saying so.

In the past it used to really get me down – when situations like this arise we can’t understand what we have done wrong and also how we could have allowed people like this into our lives in the first place. It is a feeling of helplessness and rejection and forces you to look at yourself to try and find the faults and flaws that you apparently have. I mean if others say it is so – then maybe it is so, right? It feels damaging.  

I thought about how I could deal with things like this in a more positive way. In the past I would have been really upset, most probably would have cried and tried to stand up for myself and explain myself - which only feeds the fire. Today though, I have not had an inkling of an urge to want to do that. Why? Because I have learned that by focusing my energy on something that does not feel good only makes it worse.

That all makes sense but what I also realized was that by suppressing how I feel about the situation would also make me feel bad on the inside and if that happens it tends to fester.

How then do we get over hindrances like this in our lives without becoming egotistical about it and without losing touch with who we are, and at the same time how do we overcome this feeling of rejection and hurt?

The first step would be to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and by doing that begin to understand that everyone wants to be happy and for some people to feel good about themselves they make others look bad. This is tremendously unsound but remains one of the ways that some people use to feel good about themselves.

This brings up another side of the coin though. From a Buddhist perspective for example, it is our egos that have been bruised. People can't injure “you” with words, they can only injure your ego. That cuts both ways… we need to understand that their behaviour is not about us, it's about them. It's about their ego trying to preserve and enhance itself. It does that by diminishing others to make itself feel more important and to make itself "right" at all costs.

We have to recognize that, bless them on their way, forgive and be done with it. Free yourself to move on and to take up your own path.

  

I come back to the point again of the power of positivity and how you should not let negativity rule any part of your life. Yes, these people are out there and there will always be people that will try to bring negativity into your life. The way to overcome this feeling through positivity is to focus on the people that do love and care for you. Focus on them, don’t forget about them – embrace those people in your life. Shift your focus.

In the end what matters is that you know who you are.  If you have clear understanding of who you really are, another person’s opinion should really not affect you. Everyone is a work in progress – we all have our faults and our strengths. Keep working on yourself to be the best version of you, don’t let others try to bring you down, don’t be ashamed of who you are and how far you have come or have got to go.

I will end this with the words of Brenda Russell: “In an ideal world, on an Ideal day, we could care for each other, in an ideal way, when they open the door, I would be the first, to start loving each other, in an ideal world...”

3 Day Apple Juice Fast

So, I exercise between 3 - 5 days a week. Three of those days each include a one hour intense workout (Piloxing, Zumba, Zumba Toning). The rest of the week I use a vibration plate or my home gym. My diet is very clean. I don't eat red meats, wheat or sugar. I have cut down dairy to either feta or mozzarella cheese and occasionally milk in my coffee.

I have not lost a single kilogram in almost a year of continuing to work hard and eat right. It makes no sense and I am extremely frustrated.

I was assessed recently and it came to my attention that my hormones were out of balance. The cause? ... Tryphasil (contraceptive pill). It made my oestrogen levels excessive and my progesterone levels very low - which is how the pills works in the first place but it is not natural in any way and it could be the main reason as to why I can't lose weight, my mood swings etc.

I therefore decided to come off the contraceptive with the hope to get my hormones rebalanced. It has been 2 months - no changes in weight but I am 100 times more happier and I feel like myself again. Which is great! Except I still have not lost any weight.

After doing some research and finding out that hormones are processed through the liver - and also accepting that I have been drinking WAY too much coffee - I have decided that I am going to do a fast to help cleanse my body.

I have previously done a 5 day fast - but I have chosen to rather go for the 3 day fast this time because I am so active.

I will record each day of my fast explaining what I experience, how I feel etc. Starting from Monday! Wish me luck!

To the Good Men! Thank you - a tribute to Dewaldt

There was a point in my life when I used look at men with utter disgust. I used to wonder when men decided that 30 was the new 19. When men thought it was better to remain single and independent than staying committed to another. When men thought it okay to be courageous on nights out but afraid to be fathers. I use to wonder when it was that "guy night" became more important than movie night and date night. I used to wonder when men became boys and when staying out became better than showing up…

True it is that some of these statements are true about some men – men who have given other men horrible reputations - me cooler than showing up. but today I want to write about the good men, a tribute to the wonderful man I found (or who found me). A real man – who knows what it truly means to be a loving partner and an awesome father. This is to all of the other men out there who put their families first – you are loved and appreciated, thank you.  

I got divorced while I was three months pregnant with my ex-husband’s second child. The reason for my decision was based on my children’s happiness and well-being. To be honest (and I know this puts me in a somewhat very weak light) I would never have left this man if it was not for my children. I would have let him carry on with his ways until my time on earth was over if my children were not born. When I brought my first child into this world – it was only then that I realized how poisonous the relationship was between my ex-husband and I and all I worried about was how badly it would affect my children. I had to get them away from this environment – I could not let them watch me die inside every day – their hearts and their well-being is all that matters. And so I left him… after watching my almost 2 year old look at me with pain in his eyes because mommy was trying to hold back the tears – at that very moment I made the decision to take the first step I needed to take in the right direction. And let me tell you, when I took that first step – everything else just fell into place and I have never been in a better place than where I have been since then to this day.

Shortly after making that life changing decision – I met someone else. He was one of the kindest souls I had ever met, gentle, awkward, sweet and funny. He helped me through the difficult transition I was going through, made me feel confident in myself and made me see the happier, lighter side of life. It turned into us constantly messaging each other every day until the early hours of each morning. Speaking to each other every day, caring about each other’s day – I believe the love between us was already felt by both of us long before we actually told each other we did. Yes! We fell in love…  He fell in love with me… ME! the pregnant, divorced, single mother of one (soon to be two)… this wreck of a woman! This wonderful man – wanted me AND I wanted him. For the first time in my whole existence I knew what it felt like to be truly loved and to love someone completely. With no judgment, no fear or expectation – I loved this man the moment our eyes met.

One of the most heartwarming parts of this story is the fact that he accepted my children as his own. He took them in and embraced them with love and understanding. For the first time my children had a real father. He was there for the birth of my second child, he held him for the first time. He has helped me every night, since the day we moved in together, with the baby/toddler night shifts, the warming up of bottles and the nappy changes. Even more of a shocker – he has let me go off for an hour or two on weekends so that I can do Parkruns or my hair at the salon while he cares for the kids.

To this day I still feel like I am living in some sort of fantasy – never in my wildest dreams would I have ever thought that I would be with someone who treated me so well and for who I just want to love and care for. That I would find someone who is the perfect father role model for my children.

He restored my faith in men, it really is true that not all men are dogs. We need to remember that we deserve love, true love, happiness and respect. The same goes for men who are in bad relationships with women who treat them badly. There are good people out there… you don’t have to be in an abusive relationship. Get out, for your own sake. And if your own sake is not good enough then for your children’s sake, for your unborn children’s sake and for the sake of your family and the people who love you. We all deserve to be happy, no matter what you look like, no matter what you are going through, the right man/woman is out there for you – someone who will love you like you should be loved. Nobody deserves to be treated badly. Life is too short to waste it on trying to save a relationship that has already hit the rocks. Pick up from where you are and move on – life has better things planned for you. Divorce does not mean a dead end. It is brand new beginnings and a clean slate.

You are stronger than you think.