The Power of Free Will

There comes a point in life where you look at where you are, how far you have come, what you have gained and where you are going. When I do this I always like to look at what the changes were that I made which helped me accomplish what I have so far in life and in doing so I realise that most of those changes were who I allowed into my life and let go of.

Most of us understand the concept of staying positive in order to accumulate more positivity and to live a happy life. The Law of Attraction. What you put in you’ll get out. Reap what you sow etc. etc. – A lot of the time though we don’t realise that in order to do so we need to be aware of the toxic people in our lives.

It takes deep self-honesty to do so because a lot of the time it is hard to admit you have made a wrong decision in befriending someone who is actually toxic to your life or you might be under the impression that you love this person. Ultimately the choice will have to be made as to whether you choose to keep living this way with these people in your life – or you have to break free and live the life you were born to pursue – a happy positive and abundant one.

A quote from Brian Carruthers – “You are, or will become, the average of the five people you associate with the most.”

I like to think of my home and space as an area of positivity – a place where my family and I feel safe and secure. Together as positive separate units we make one big happy ball of positivity. This makes me feel like together we are more powerful in attracting abundance and even more happiness. I like to visualise it in my mind as a yellow giggly happy ball of family squishiness and love. Of course everyone has their ups and downs. Of course we are allowed to cry and vent if we need to. When it is over it is gone though and we try to move on from it. It is very important to feel every emotion you experience so you can understand it and learn how to deal with it. This is why, when I allow someone into our space, I am very careful and cautious about who they are because negative people don’t just affect your vibrations but they affect the energy around them and everyone else around them. I know of a few people who I would never allow into my space because it would feel like I am compromising the positive vibes our unit has already created.

Negative people are noticeably pessimistic and will exhaust you. Damaging energy and drama follow them everywhere and they can pull you into their chaos disrupting your focus and side-lining your goals. Negative people can sometimes behave irrationally and you will waste your time and energy if you try to make sense of their actions. I don’t think it is possible to continually live with someone like this in your life without either falling into the same pattern they follow or becoming completely drained from either trying to shield yourself from them or by trying to help them/listen to them.

You might think that when you are “detoxing” your life from these toxic people that you might start feeling lonely but in the long run it is better to have a few good friends than a whole bunch of negative destructive ones. Slowing start building new positive friendships. In the end every time you subtract negativity from your life you make room for more positive.

You might also think that the amount of drama it will cause in trying to get rid of them is not worth it in the end but maybe just by remaining positive and limiting your time with negative people they will eliminate themselves from your life without you having to do anything. Or seeing as though we are trying to be more positive here you might even turn them into positive thinkers! You will have to realise though that if someone is not on the same vibrational level as you and they can’t lift themselves up to your level that your paths will inevitably split. From my own experience leaving it to that point is even more draining.

Ultimately what matters is that you are living the best life that you can. You cannot live a fulfilled life when other people are dragging you down in whatever negative way that they do it. You have free will – don’t forget that. Free will means you ultimately determine what you believe. Freedom is the ability to say yes or no. Free will is the ability to do so. Free will is the exercise of freedom, the ability to choose between alternatives. We have a choice. This means you don’t need to let people affect you negatively, you don’t need to allow negative people into your life. The decision is yours. Know your worth.

“Every day you must unlearn the ways that hold you back. You must rid yourself of negatively, so you can learn to fly.” – Leon Brown

How to Positively Get Over People Who Hurt you

I have always tried to be as confident as I can be throughout my life - not with ease however and it did not come naturally as inside I was a trembling shy little girl and in public I tried to come across as strong independent and confident. That was me feeding my ego and trying to become someone I was not.

As I have grown up through the years - I started moulding into the confident person I had tried so hard to become but this happened gracefully and naturally because I learned to accept and love who I am. I am proud of how far I have come.  But even when we reach this stage in our lives - when we learn to love and accept ourselves - there will still be obstacles to overcome in this regard - obstacles that test your confidence in knowing who you are, that make you rethink the choices you have made and ways you see yourself, that test your confidence in yourself. Lately I have learned a lot of new lessons in this area of my life.

One of these obstacles relate to people who put you down - indirectly by using gossip or slander - or directly by telling you the negative things that they think of you, or maybe even in a passive way - by treating you less than others but without directly or indirectly saying so.

In the past it used to really get me down – when situations like this arise we can’t understand what we have done wrong and also how we could have allowed people like this into our lives in the first place. It is a feeling of helplessness and rejection and forces you to look at yourself to try and find the faults and flaws that you apparently have. I mean if others say it is so – then maybe it is so, right? It feels damaging.  

I thought about how I could deal with things like this in a more positive way. In the past I would have been really upset, most probably would have cried and tried to stand up for myself and explain myself - which only feeds the fire. Today though, I have not had an inkling of an urge to want to do that. Why? Because I have learned that by focusing my energy on something that does not feel good only makes it worse.

That all makes sense but what I also realized was that by suppressing how I feel about the situation would also make me feel bad on the inside and if that happens it tends to fester.

How then do we get over hindrances like this in our lives without becoming egotistical about it and without losing touch with who we are, and at the same time how do we overcome this feeling of rejection and hurt?

The first step would be to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and by doing that begin to understand that everyone wants to be happy and for some people to feel good about themselves they make others look bad. This is tremendously unsound but remains one of the ways that some people use to feel good about themselves.

This brings up another side of the coin though. From a Buddhist perspective for example, it is our egos that have been bruised. People can't injure “you” with words, they can only injure your ego. That cuts both ways… we need to understand that their behaviour is not about us, it's about them. It's about their ego trying to preserve and enhance itself. It does that by diminishing others to make itself feel more important and to make itself "right" at all costs.

We have to recognize that, bless them on their way, forgive and be done with it. Free yourself to move on and to take up your own path.

  

I come back to the point again of the power of positivity and how you should not let negativity rule any part of your life. Yes, these people are out there and there will always be people that will try to bring negativity into your life. The way to overcome this feeling through positivity is to focus on the people that do love and care for you. Focus on them, don’t forget about them – embrace those people in your life. Shift your focus.

In the end what matters is that you know who you are.  If you have clear understanding of who you really are, another person’s opinion should really not affect you. Everyone is a work in progress – we all have our faults and our strengths. Keep working on yourself to be the best version of you, don’t let others try to bring you down, don’t be ashamed of who you are and how far you have come or have got to go.

I will end this with the words of Brenda Russell: “In an ideal world, on an Ideal day, we could care for each other, in an ideal way, when they open the door, I would be the first, to start loving each other, in an ideal world...”