LETTING GO

Before I write all this down, please note that this is something I feel and think a lot about but struggle to actually put in words - you know... when you feel or believe in something but cannot describe it - well I am going to try my best. ;-)

Looking back on the "dark" days of my life, the times I was not in tune with my light and to the source, very confused and very destructive as a result of that, I wonder about how I would have turned out today if it was not for those moments and periods in my life. (Even though some parts were very disturbing and horrible). 

I remember being so low at times that I contemplated ending my time spent on earth, feeling that I could start over again with a clean slate, feeling that what I have done and the regret and disgust I felt would not pass, that I would live forever with this dark cloud hanging over my head... Little did I know that what I was going through at that moment and time would be the reason for me turning out for the better in the future. 

It reminds me of a quote by  Soren Kierkegaard: "Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards."

It is all about growing up and maturing, when we get stuck in those periods of life we need to remember that whatever mistakes we have made today will only be used as a reference in the future to be reminded about what not to do and will help us as a guide to us keep on the right track and to stick to our morals and standards. 

Looking back to my drug and food addiction days when life was hell and when I made life hell to live in, I do not look back with pride but I know that I will never be that person ever again. My memory of those days and the hurt I not only caused myself but to others as well will not only serve as a reminder to strive to be a better person but to also try my best to help others who are also in need of the advice that I can offer them. 

I am somewhat grateful that I had those horrible experiences - if I had not gone through what I have been through I would not have the wisdom, understanding and 'want' to live that I have today. 

I know how hard it was to get through it, essentially if you are a fighter at heart and arrogant to the fact that you need another person's help or even arrogant to the fact that you need to change (denial), but thinking of it this way helps me to understand it better : pain, grief, depression, Guilt and other forms of FEAR disappear when the mind is focused in loving peace on this instant. Focusing on what you have done is not going to help you move forward in the future. Focusing and trying to feel how you want to feel in the future NOW is the answer. 

I remember when I was stuck in a feeling of depression about regretting what I had done and constantly feeling that I deserved feeling this way, that I deserved being hurt and angry because of what I had done, I even remember hurting myself on purpose. - I used to read the horoscopes on the DSTV channel and I remember there was always something that used to come up in those readings - Let go of what no longer is needed.  I remember reading this a lot but never actually understanding it or taking the action to LET GO of what really is no longer needed - I now understand what it meant though and it is the most uplifting and awesome feeling when you let go of the things that hold you down and keep you from becoming a better more free person. (This is another subject that I would like to write about one day - coincidences - listening to your heart and being aware of things that continuously happen to you or keep reappearing in your life - It is a message from your higher self trying to guide you in the right direction - like dreams.) 


I think I have achieved what I wanted to say now, I think to sum it all up we need to remember that we are only human, the mistakes we have made in the past do not reflect who we are today and that the memory of those mistakes and experiences are only there as a guide to help us become better people. 






Espavo! xxx

Life's Little Bargains

I was listening to the radio yesterday and they were speaking about "life's bargains". Things that we have in life that we don't pay for but have - life's bargains. This got me thinking again about how many things there are to be grateful for - even the average man you walk past on the side of the street has many things to be grateful for. 

So this got me thinking about some of the things I regard as "life's bargains". I am fortunate enough to work at a very beautiful place. I am surrounded by nature and mountains and there is loads of fresh air and open space. Nature is one of life's most precious bargains. You don't have to pay or give anything to experience the wonders and beauty and calming effect of nature. It is there for us to enjoy when we please. 

South African's (especially)  should be so grateful for the beauty of our country, never mind what is happening politically and economically in this country, this place is STUNNING! We have the most beautiful mountains, seas and open land. Even now as I look out the window my breathe is taken away by the view of the mountains and nature surrounding this town. 

When last have you gone and sat under a tree or lay flat on your back on a piece of grass and stared up into the sky? Even if you haven't done it in a while go back to when you used to do it as a child. Remember that calming relaxed feeling you got? That joy you felt? With the sun warming your face and the sound of the wind in the trees. We need to remember to spend more time with nature and use this "bargain" we have been given during our time on Planet Earth. Maybe if more people started appreciating nature more, even if it is just by looking out of the window at the office or driving home or to work, they will learn to respect it more and treat nature and Mother Earth the way it should be treated, with pride and with love. 

I mean, after all that nature and the earth has given us and will continue to give us, we should be giving something back in return - even if it is just gratitude and appreciation. 

Espavo! <3