Chaos of Change

I am in a space right now where not only is my body going through a huge change but my spiritual and emotional self are too.

You hear so many people's opinions about all the different things in pregnancy, about why you are feeling this and why you are feeling that. On the subject of depression though there is a lot of conflicting information. Some people say that it is hormonal, others say it is a chemical imbalance you had before you were pregnant, other's say it is normal, some recommend antidepressants and others are completely against it.

I believe that it is partly hormonal and partly because of the change that is happening inside a pregnant woman. Whether it should even be called depression is debatable! Hormones play such a huge role in pregnancy and it can drive a woman loony at times. I have had myself in tears over silly adverts on TV or by people saying the most petty things, things I would normally not show any emotion too but instead of just walking away or getting over it I end up balling my eyes out and screaming things back at the people who have nothing nice to say. Haha! It really is a crazy roller coaster ride! I also think that a lot of what having a baby entails can put a woman in this place. For example: will I make it financially, how will I cope with work and baby and hubby, how will I manage to balance my lifestyle at the same time.

But when I talk about "depression" - please note the inverted commas - that dreaded feeling of despair and that nothing is getting better and never will - that dark dark place where I think we have all found ourselves in before at least once or twice - I think this has got much more to do with our higher selves than it has to do with hormones.

We all have our own ways of dealing with depression and unhappiness but I felt like I had for some or other reason lost all my tools that enabled me to cope and get out of that space during my pregnancy. This made things even worse at times because I felt that that was just life being unfair and felt sorry for myself. I felt angry with myself because I was feeling like this too and on top of that I felt like I was a terrible mom and I felt guilty because I was feeling so down in time in my life when I am supposed to be feeling so so very happy! And then I was feeling happy and euphoric at the same time with all these other feelings buzzing around in my mind. - It really is a confusing and distressful place to be! Talk about ups and downs!

All of this forced me to do something I had never done. To sit and actually FEEL the emotions I was feeling and to deal with them one by one. Most of my coping mechanisms were ways of blocking what I did not want to feel. For example writing down everything I am grateful for and focusing on that and what my goals in life are. Having a drink or two after a long week. Going for a jog to clear my mind. Just doing things that blocked me from actually feeling those negative emotions. I must say it is not one of the most enjoyable experiences but for the first time in my life I was able to identify why I was feeling certain things and I was able to work through them and resolve them in my mind.

You see, with change normally comes chaos at first. And I think this is what most pregnant woman (who feel they are depressed during pregnancy) are actually experiencing -  the chaos of change. And the only way to allow change to happen so that the chaos can disappear is to accept it and to embrace it and to let it happen. We need to keep learning to have faith while trying to keep on the right path in life. Things always work out in the end if you stay true to yourself.

This baby that is growing inside of me, that my body knows exactly how to take care of and how to nourish, is bringing a huge change into our lives and into this world. I need to embrace and accept that there will be a change in me as a woman as well - and that something inside of me has changed already - but that feeling of change and knowing will be felt 100 times over when I see my beautiful child breathing air into his lungs for the first time and when I see his dancing soul in his eyes. Only then will I know what real love is and the power of that love, all of this is just preparation for the huge impact this wonderful spirit will bring into our lives.

Change is powerful but it is something that we must all encounter so that we can overcome what is put in our paths in the future.

Know that no matter what you are going through you are strong enough to overcome it.

Espavo!

CHILDBIRTH

My thoughts on childbirth... well for starters I am completely and obstinately determined to have as a natural childbirth as possible. Recently though I have come to the realization that I should probably not set my hopes up too high on this and expect all things to go to plan as I might end up being disappointed. I know anything can happen in child birth, or with anything in life for that matter, so I am working on trying to prepare myself for the chance that maybe things won't go as I have planned, but that spark of hope and determination that it will is still there (big and bright). I am having a very low risk pregnancy in any case so why not get my hopes up just a little? Hehe

I do not talk about this with many people though as I do get the odd look here and there from people who think that I am being naive or who maybe think I have no clue as to what I am letting myself into. I don't know what to expect, that is true! I have never given birth before but does this mean that I am not allowed to get excited or look forward to the experience? 

The way I see it is that woman have been giving birth naturally since the beginning of mankind, why should it be any different nowadays? Waaaay back then there were not even doctors or medical experts etc around to help mothers give birth, they did it all on their own. So I feel and I  also instinctively know that when it is my time to bring my baby boy into this world all my womanly and motherly instincts will set in and my body will know what to do and everything will come naturally and happen as it is supposed to, its wired into our brains just like a newborn instinctively knows how to breastfeed from the moment he is born into this world. 

I know that it is not going to be the most easiest thing in the world and that there will be pain involved (or maybe not, who knows) but I also know that no matter how hard it is on me and even if I feel like I can't carry on, the thought of me holding my precious baby boy and welcoming him into this world with arms wide open and hearing his cry for the first time and seeing him taking his first breath - it will ALL be worth it in the end. Every single struggle I have had in my life up until that moment will be worth every second and I cannot wait to experience that. 

So I will look forward to my natural birth and I will feel excited! If because of a very good reason I am unable to give birth naturally I think I will also be fine so long as my baby is healthy and strong, but for now while the reality of a natural childbirth is quite real, I'll be looking forward to it. 

I have this image in my mind of my child's soul dancing its way into this world and my mine welcoming him in return. 

 “To dance is to be out of yourself. Larger, more beautiful, more powerful.. This is power, it is glory on earth and it is yours for the taking” 

― Agnes De Mille

ESPAVO! <3

I Found My Purpose

“A mother's body remembers her babies-the folds of soft flesh, the softly furred scalp against her nose. Each child has it's own entreaties to body and soul.” ― Barbara Kingsolver

So I am 26 weeks 4 days pregnant today. I am loving every moment – even the icky bad ones – while pregnant. I actually think that I will in some ways miss being pregnant.

 

Feeling my baby’s movements inside my belly every day – knowing that soon I will be able to hold our little one in my arms brings a permanent smile to my face and an overwhelming sense of calm and happiness. A mother's joy begins when new life is stirring inside... when a tiny heartbeat is heard for the very first time, and a playful kick reminds her that she is never alone.

Before you were conceived I wanted you. Before you were born I loved you. Before you were here an hour I would die for you. This is the miracle of Mother's Love. - Maureen Hawkins

I am partly scared for the experience of birth as I am not sure about what to expect – I want to give birth naturally so so very badly, I want to have that first bonding moment with my child. Knowing that I will hold you in my arms and have you with me safe and sound is what keeps me strong and unafraid. I look forward to every moment of every day and experience spent with you.

"Birthing is the most profound initiation to spirituality a woman can have." - Robin Lim

My whole life I have been wondering what my purpose is, why am I here, what is the point... The answer was there all along and I think I knew it all along too. Being a mother to my child is my purpose, to help my partner bring this beautiful boy up to become the best he can be. To show him what love is, to fill his life with love so that he too will be able to share that love with others. To guide him in the right direction so that he can build on himself to reach his potential, help him through his mistakes and hardships, to show him that there is always light at the end of the tunnel and to never give up. Never give up on reaching that light and never give up on what he believes in. With love anything is possible.

It's not only children who grow.  Parents do too.  As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours.  I can't tell my children to reach for the sun.  All I can do is reach for it, myself.  ~Joyce Maynard

My child is the closest I will ever come to magic, our miracle that has grown from a tiny seed into a blossoming bundle of joy, a combination of both families’ genes, a unique and beautiful soul - all while still inside my belly. Ready to take on this world.

He is an extremely active baby in utero – I feel him every 5 to 10 minutes every day. Kicking and somersaulting and swishing around. I feel and take this as a sign of strength and one of his wonderful characteristics.

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” 
― Dr. Seuss, Happy Birthday to You!

We cannot wait to welcome you into this world and to hold you in our arms. Mommy and daddy are waiting patiently for your arrival and for our journey and path in life to start together (although,  all three of us have actually already started our journey together haven’t we...)  :) All our love forever and always.

Every child born into the world is a new thought of God, an ever fresh and radiant possibility.
- Kate Douglas Wiggin

A BRAND NEW BEGINNING

I AM NOW A MRS!

I thought I would share how the day was for me and how I experienced this new beginning in my life. What a roller coaster ride! I am very excited for the future!


I was an emotional wreck the first half of the day. Luckily I had my friend Caitlin with me from the moment I woke up to keep my head screwed on straight. We zoomed off to Gordon's Bay early in the morning (already a few minutes late). On our way there I got a phone call from my best friend who drove down from Natal the night before to say she was lost in Paarl - so we waited for her on the N1. Obviously all emotional stability I had left shattered when I saw her face and was able to hug her for the first time in a few years. 


We eventually all made it to the hair salon where all my bridesmaid's hair and make up was being done. I was marching up and down nervously but luckily my wonderful hairdresser sat me down at a basin and got the lady to wash my hair and give me the most amazing head massage (which I almost fell asleep to). 


From there I had to get something to eat (I had this enormous craving for nachos) and then my other best friend Richard arrived. (more emotions!)


We finally arrived at the guesthouse where we were to be wed! One of Riaan's groomsmen decided to tell me that my husband to be was passed out in one of the rooms and that they were trying to sober him up! It was a joke of course - but I didn't handle it very well - my body just collapsed underneath me. Luckily I saw Riaan's very much Sober face inside by reception area and I felt calmer. 


Up we went to the guestroom where I and my bridal party would be getting ready. My father first greeted me with a bear hug and a gift. I think the reassurance of seeing him and his great big hug was all I needed to keep going - and of course seeing my mommy (who was a super organizing star!) They all took so much pressure of my shoulders and eventually I was able to relax a bit. 


I was surrounded by all of the very special people in my life and I could not have asked for a better start to this beautiful journey we have embarked on. 

Walking down the isle was so scary but my dad held my arm tight (and later told me basically was keeping me upright) so that my legs would not (once again) give way under me. When I looked down the isle towards Riaan I immediately felt "able" again - looking into his eyes full of tears and the huge smile on his face I remembered how much I loved this man and how I can not imagine being with anyone else. This is the person who I knew from the moment we met that I would be with for the rest of my life. My dad gave me away and for a few moments everyone and everything around me disappeared except for Riaan and then our journey together as man and wife started. 

The ceremony and reception was everything that I had ever dreamed it would be and more. We had the closest people in our lives there. No strangers and nobody who we actually secretly didn't want there. Every single person who was there to join us on our special day were very special to us and it was just the way we wanted it. 


I was calm and relaxed throughout the whole celebration - and slept soundly that night in my husbands arms listening to the sound of the ocean and waking up the next morning to the smell and sound of the ocean again. It was like a blissful dream. 


We drove to Hermanus in our own time the next day. Stopping at places that interested us and taking our time. We finally reached the little cottage where we would be staying for the next few days for our honeymoon. TOTAL BLISS! Smack bang in between the mountain and the sea. Absolutely stunning!


We had been planning to fall pregnant for months and I had missed my period that I was supposed to get the day before my wedding and which had not arrived two days later. I thought it must be stress from wedding but was hoping of course that I was preggies! Riaan and I had stopped getting our hopes up 2 months ago and thought it would happen when the time was right. I woke up at 5am that morning on our second day of honeymoon to find out after doing the test that I was pregnant! (Thus explaining he emotional instability I had been experiencing as well as the cravings for nachos) :-/


THE BEST WEDDING PRESENT OF ALL TIME!


I jumped on the bed where my sleeping husband was laying "scream whispering" that I was pregnant. We never went back to bed that morning. We sat and watched the sun come up while having our morning hot drink. I sent my mom, Caitlin, Leigh and Jenna and Dad a picture of the positive pregnancy test immediately and received very excited and happy calls. 

It was the best timing and the most wonderful news and gift we could have asked for! I am so excited about what life has in store for us next and for my journey as a mommy to begin! I have a little being growing inside of me right now. Its unbelievably beautiful and breathtaking. What a blessing! 


ESPAVO!

CHANGE

Wow! I haven't written a post in many many months. Lots has happened and so I feel its time to get my thoughts out there...

Change... we all experience it and we all know what it feels like. Sometimes we welcome it and sometimes we loath it. Sometimes we realize it is happening and sometimes it happens without anyone even noticing - until you stop and listen to your inner self and get out of the whole "routine" of life and then you realize how much things have changed since the last remembered point in your life.

I have experienced lots of change in last few months. My body is changing (why, I don't know but I have to accept it and embrace it) and my goals and wants in life are changing. I also am expecting change in the near future - which is good because I am able to prepare myself for it.

Beside all of that it is scary to think that no matter what you plan for your future, no matter what your goals and visions are for the future - it can all change in a blink of an eye. The only way to get past that feeling of disappointment when something does not go accordingly to plan is to keep reminding yourself that the future may not be what you are imagined it to be BUT know that no matter what happens you will be able to handle it. NO MATTER WHAT COMES YOUR WAY YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT AND YOU WILL BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT - and in the process learn something new and probably something very valuable.

That does not however mean that you should not set goals for your future. That does not mean that you will not achieve what you have set out to do, it is just a way of thinking that you learn to implant in yourself to stop yourself from losing the enthusiasm to move forward towards your goal when you need to overcome set backs along the way.

Take for example the commitment I am making to marry the man I love in a month. Recently it has been very scary because every where I look, whether it's a TV talk show or an article I read all, there are all these negative ideas and opinions of marriage that keep on popping up. I could be taking this as a sign to not take the big step or I can take in the information and use it to my advantage to help me in my future and marriage.

No matter what your circumstances are you can always change it around for the better. All you need is positivity.

xxxx
ESPAVO

WITHIN

I turn away from the world about me to the world of consciousness that lies within. 

I shut out all memories of the past, create no images of the future. I concentrate on my being, on my awareness. I slide deep into the very recesses of my soul to a place of utter repose. 

Here I perceive fact in the making, I am conscious of the one being from which all beings spring. I know that this is immortal self, this is God, this is me. I am, I always was. I always will be. 

All men, all things, all space and time and life are here in the depths of my soul. Smaller than small, greater than great, meet and unite in me. That which I thought I was, ego, I never was at all, for it was a changing thing, mirroring the seasons and the tides, a thing of time or circumstance. 

I am spirit, pure and eternal, birth-less, deathless, and changeless. I am patient, for I am all time: I am wise, for I contain knowledge of all things. I know not pain, for I see there is no beginning and end. 

I am rich, for there is no limit to the abundance I may create from my very self. 

I am successful, for I need only think to achieve. 

I love and and I am beloved for all things are myself and I am all things. 

I write, I fuse, I become one with universal subconscious mind. The mask of vanity and ego I shall never wear again. I perceive the magnificent sweller at the centre of my consciousness and I know him to be my very self. Time and space and shadow and substance; What matter these? God is Me. 

-Handwritten on a piece of paper given to me by my mother - I carry with me everywhere.

MATERIALISM

I have been going through a period in my life right now that has brought me new perspective when it comes to this subject. I have always been against materialism and ALL FOR embracing nature and for remembering where you come from and not being influenced by material things. I am correct in what I am saying when it comes to this, but I may have gone a little overboard...


I have been trying desperately for the last 3 years to find a job that pays well, that I enjoy and that I want to be at everyday. To build a life with my partner and to find a family home (just a 2 bedroom 1 bathroom apartment or house with a garden) were we can start a family and feel secure in - and stay financially stable. 


I have always said that material things mean nothing to me, I have always felt that material things - like a house, money, TV, nice duvets (the things I really want now) - were unimportant. That the people who you love and your body (temple) and your spirituality are the most important and that materialism is just a trap - I tended to feel sorry for people that continuously bought things for themselves and who fell into the "materialism trap".  I always said I would never become like that! 


Now, I am the one needing these materialistic things - okay, there is a balance between being materialistic and totally humble - but I never understood this balance and when I found myself longing for these things last week I startled myself! I wanted to stop myself from wanting (needing) these things because in my mind it was against what I believed in. 


I realized though that like everything else in life there needs to be a balance. Right now in this world we live in we need certain things and these certain things - thanks to the government and society - need to be bought. And to buy these things we need money and to earn money we need to work - and to work we need certain things and these things need to be bought - and so the cycle goes on and on and on. So to some extent most of the materialism in this world is caused by society and outside influences but that doesn't mean that we have to fall for their manipulation over and over again!


There are two sides to this - the proper materialists and the completely humble un-materialists (like the Monks.)

A materialist looks to go out and buy things - things that they do not need and sometimes maybe things that they do need - but they buy to fill a hole inside of them or they buy things so that they feel better and superior to others. They also tend to put material things above other people and things. Material things are more important to them than anyone/thing else. For me it is so superficial! - if there is one thing that I cannot stand that is if someone acts "fake" and superficial. - I have had to live with people like this and I so badly missed genuine proper people it almost drove me insane. Maybe this is why I have such a passion about not being materialistic. 


Anyway - just because we need to go out and buy things just so that we can live in the world that we live today does not mean that we are materialistic people - so long as you are not buying things to replace other people in your lives or to fill a hole in your heart or to feel more superior to others. 


You know - THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE NOT THINGS! - think about that. 


Espavo!

PRE-MOTHERHOOD

So, my partner and I are getting married soon and although this makes me very happy and so excited it also makes me a little nervous and scared. 

This man that I have decided to make this wonderful commitment to is so great and good for me. We are amazing for each other - each one of us made a huge positive influence in each one's life when we entered each other's lives. There are so many things in my life that I can be grateful to him for. He makes me laugh at least once a day, is committed to being the "provider", lets me feel his love (he doesn't just say the words - he makes me know that he loves me) - the one thing I know for certain is that I am dearly loved by this man. There are so many reasons for why I love and want to be with this diverse and interesting person and there is no doubt in my mind that we are meant to be together. <3

One thing we are planning straight after our marriage is to have children and this is, for us both, but especially for me, something I cannot wait for and something I take very very seriously! I intend to learn from a lot of marriages and relationships in my life that did not work out and how the children were effected by these relationships. Everyone makes mistakes but there are certain things that both my partner and I went through as children that we do not want our children experiencing. - probably just like everybody else. 

My main concern is the environment and type of place where we will bring up our children. I am still so young and I am so worried that we will not have everything we need that we want to give our children. I need to have a good home, where there are no negative influences from other people -  and obviously be financially stable enough. 

Now I know I am probably being overly paranoid and it may seem like I am looking for reasons not to go ahead with our plans but I am not. We would not have made the decision to get married and have children if we didn't feel stable enough.  It is probably just my motherly instinct popping her head up and trying to guide me in the right direction - but instead knowing my intense personality - is pushing or shouting me in the right direction! ;-) Here is what my horoscope says about me and I think it is amazingly spot one:

"She is a fiercely protective mother and will do anything to safeguard her children. At times a little too strict with them, but they often understand her better when they are older."

Now I really hope that I can balance my motherly instincts when I do become a mother so that I do not become an overly protective and over bearing parent. But right now - even before I have even fallen pregnant - I am already worrying myself silly about whether everything we do and have done will be good enough.  

I, like the rest of us, am only human though - and I think that everyone to some extent knows what it feels like to want to protect someone/thing you love. I know that we will both do the best we can when it comes to our children and I know that we will bring up amazing people and I will be a proud mother. - even now before I have met my children I already feel the love I feel for them bubbling up inside of me!

A song I know best describes how I am feeling now, it is by Elton John called Your Song. The first three verses gets it exactly right:

                                                  ~  It's a little bit funny this feeling inside

I'm not one of those who can easily hide

I don't have much money but boy if I did

I'd buy a big house where we both could live

                                                   If I was a sculptor, but then again, no

Or a man who makes potions in a travelling show

I know it's not much but it's the best I can do

My gift is my song and this one's for you

                                              And you can tell everybody this is your song

It may be quite simple but now that it's done

I hope you don't mind

I hope you don't mind that I put down in words

How wonderful life is while you're in the world ~

Sigh* I think that when it comes to this - like every aspect in our lives - we need to remember to find our center have faith and trust in a Higher Power and know that things just work out the way they are supposed to in the end. - trying to be in control and constantly trying to be the one in power will only distort or even slow down process towards the way things should be. 

*Everything is already as it should be*

Espavo!

Starters

Well, I have started this blog for more than one reason. First of all, I have a lot of my own ideas and thoughts on life and health and I love to write them down to gain perspective. Secondly, I usually write this down in a diary, which I used to keep in my handbag. A few weeks ago I got a huge wake up call and fright when my handbag got stolen with my diary in it and with all its contents. I had horrible nightmares about some stranger (someone I didn't want) reading my intimate thoughts etc etc. Luckily my handbag and all its contents was retrieved, but I had a huge wake up call. A friend of mine came up with the idea of me writing my own blog instead of writing it down on paper and risking losing all of my work. 


A few years back I learned about the Law of Attraction and since then have been on a journey to master this law of life. This blog will be about my thoughts and feelings on Law of Attraction and how I am learning to master it. I believe that we all have the power inside of us to become what we dream of becoming, to gain what we need and to achieve our wildest dreams... all by just controlling our thoughts and keeping them positive and in tune with what our goals are. I also believe that life is not worth living if you haven't got goals and dreams. Working towards a goal, even if it is with tiny little steps or with one large leap gives us meaning in life, a reason to live and a reason to feel good about ourselves, helping others along the way is just as important and fulfilling and one of the stepping stones towards a better life. Helping our fellow human beings = helping ourselves. We are all part of the same energy after all, we are all one in the end anyway, we are all part of the pattern, we are all dance partners in the dance called life, each step we make effects the steps other's make and vise versa. 


You will see me using the word "Espavo" a lot. It literally means: "Thank you for taking your power" used as a greeting for both hello and goodbye. The word's vibrational matrix helps people reconnect to ancient memories of their true origin. I quote from one of my favorite most inspirational book that I have read "Going Deeper" by J.C Koven: "Creation, is paralleled in the espavo paradox, which states: "To truly claim one's power, one must first give it away." Like the Phoenix does every time it dies." Now that you know what it means, you will understand why I use it. ;-) 


I do not believe in religion as I believe strongly that religion is a restriction to higher knowledge and truth and I think that religion as been the cause of most wars and conflict between humans and has caused way too much hurt pain and judgement in the world. However, I also believe that any religion is true in the mind of the believer. I do not think any religion is wrong or untrue etc etc. We all believe in one thing in the end and that is that there is a higher power. :-)


Other things that you may find me writing about in my blog is about healthy living. I strongly feel that to feel good spiritually emotionally and mentally one has to look after your temple (your body). I have a strong passion for this and about living the healthiest lifestyle that I can. 


I am a dancer.... no I do not dance professionally, but I have been dancing since I was a toddler. First I was a ballerina, then a modern dancer and then I just started doing it for fun. I dance either to forget or I dance to remember, either way it is another one of my passions that I will keep close to my heart forever. I like to think that I dance through life: Everything in the universe has rhythm. Everything dances. -Maya Angelou


I hope you enjoy what I write about and I hope I bring at least some of you inspiration and maybe even some good advice or guidance. Either way Enjoy it! <3


Peace and love 


Espavo! 

BODY SPRING CLEAN

I have been doing a few alternative things when it comes to my health lately. In general I am not somebody who goes to the doctor for any reason under the sun and I like to look after myself naturally without needing to go to the doctor. Some people cannot understand why I do certain things... probably because of the close-minded way they were brought up or maybe it just goes beyond their way of thinking and so on and so on... I mean there could be all sorts of reasons why people refuse to understand natural ways of healing and alternative ways of living, so I thought I would write about my experiences with two types of cleanses/detoxes I did in the last month, maybe then people will understand my reasons a little better after reading this:- 


A few weeks ago I did a colon detox. This involved fasting for 5 days. No solid food but drinking 1 tablespoon physillium husk with apple juice 5 times a day, 2 hours apart. Psyllium Husk on its own is basically a colon cleanser, but using it during a fast increases the effects. Psyllium Husk sweeps your colon. To explain what it does I have used this example:- 


*Imagine a dirty pot, still having bits of food stuck to the sides and everything. Rinsing it will water and soap is not going to clean the pot properly, to clean a pot like that you need a pot scrubber or a stronger material to clean it and this is what the Psyllium Husk is for your colon.* - Just imagine not cleaning a pot and just using it over and over again without cleaning it properly. ...Yuck!!!


The hardest part of this detox is not eating solid food for 5 days, but after 2 days your body gets used to it. On my first day I had so much energy! I actually got on my bike and cycled for 30 minutes and did aerobic exercises... but I will not recomend anyone to do that as I felt really weak afterwards. Rather do not exercise while doing the detox (going for a walk or something light shouldn't be a problem though), but do not worry about your energy levels either, you will actually feel great and full of energy, this is probably due to all the toxins leaving the body and the minerals and vitamins you get from the apple juice. 


The most rewarding part of this detox is not only how great you feel afterwards and during the detox but also that you are actually able to see what your body is getting rid of! Some people who have done this detox have found crayons and sometimes even marbles in their bowel movements! (Gross, I know, but trust me, when you actually see what has been stuck in your body for all these years leaving your body, it makes you feel 10 times better!) Your colon has old food in it which CANNOT be good for the body, if you were a child that ate whatever you got your hands on, like the people who found crayons and marbles in their bowel movements, you probably also have it. I will not be elaborating what I found in my bowel movements, all I am going to say is that I passed a lot of mucoid plague, a buildup of mucoid plaque becomes a problem as the intestinal system is unable to expel it, and it instead starts to interfere with the energy levels, the person’s health, and the removal of waste from the intestine.


I am so happy that all that stuff is now out of my body! No wonder so many people get colon cancer! The harmful toxins and chemical build up in your colon can cause loads of health problems such as colon cancer, skin problems toxic blood, obesity, constipation and much more. 


Go to this website for a lot more information on the subject: http://www.best-colon-cleanse.com/
...and check out this website for what mucoid plaque is: http://www.welikeitraw.com/rawfood/2005/06/whats_real.html . 
You will be amazed at what horrible stuff is actually in your body!

A lot of people are skeptical about doing this because some people don't believe that us humans should go without food for such a long time... how close minded is that! From personal experience I have never felt better while and after doing this detox. I lost 4.5Kg (I didn't pick up the weight again either), I feel lighter and healthier and I also felt closer to my higher self. Yes... it was also a spiritual experience for me, I felt closer to God because being without solid food for this period of time humbles you. You realize that there is a Higher Power watching over you. Before doing this I didn't think I would survive without food for so long but I did and it just shows you, us humans do not actually need as much as we think we need. 


Other people thought I did it for the weight loss... how much more superficial do you get?! Yes I lost weight but that was a bonus, I did it for my health. After having a huge fright from being told that I have cancerous cells in my cervix I realized that even though I am young and "healthy" (as I saw it) didn't mean that I was. It is so sad to see that some people really have no idea that they themselves are destroying their health with what they eat. Medication, like antibiotics, do not make you better in the long run, so going to a doctor is not going to make you a healthier person. Natural healing is the way... People need to open up their closed minds when it comes to these types of things!


The second detox I did, about 2 weeks after the colon cleanse, was a gallbladder cleanse. I did this cleanse mainly for my skin. I was feeling very pale and I do get a little bit of acne every now and then and this was irritating me. Also by doing this cleanse I got rid of all the old residue and toxins that were in my liver and gallbladder from my drug and alcohol abuse days. This detox involves not eating from 2pm and also not eating anything fatty that morning either and drinking Epsom Salts at 6pm, 8pm and then drinking half a cup of olive oil mixed with the juice of 2 grapefruits at 10pm. Then going to bed immediately and then drinking Epsom salts when you wake up, but not before 6am and then again two hours after that. You can eat after that whenever you feel ready, but nothing fatty etc etc. 


For me this detox worked wonders but it was a horrible process. Not many people throw up but I did, apparently this is due to me having a lot of toxins in that area of my body, which did not surprise me at all! I threw up little crystals but the next day I passed gallstones as well, between 4 and 7 of them. 


Please click on the link for more information on gallstones: http://digestive.niddk.nih.gov/ddiseases/pubs/gallstones/


This is what a gallstone looks like, In the middle of a gallstone is the parasitical stuff. The greener and darker they are the older and longer they have been in your body, the more tanner (yellowy) they are the newer they are. 

The same day after this detox everyone started noticing the change in my skin. I had more color in my skin and it even felt softer! I felt full of vitality.


The greatest thing about both of these detoxes is that you actually see what comes out of your body, which is really rewarding! 


If you are thinking of doing something like this but are kept back from doing it because of other people's silly remarks and un-researched opinions ignore what they have to say and do it for yourself. What have you got to lose? I did a lot of research on the subject before doing it so that I was totally clued up on what my body was going to go through. These two detoxes that I did really helped my health in many ways and I will be doing these detoxes once or twice a year from now on. 


Think of it as spring cleaning your body! 






Espavo! <3