PRE-MOTHERHOOD

So, my partner and I are getting married soon and although this makes me very happy and so excited it also makes me a little nervous and scared. 

This man that I have decided to make this wonderful commitment to is so great and good for me. We are amazing for each other - each one of us made a huge positive influence in each one's life when we entered each other's lives. There are so many things in my life that I can be grateful to him for. He makes me laugh at least once a day, is committed to being the "provider", lets me feel his love (he doesn't just say the words - he makes me know that he loves me) - the one thing I know for certain is that I am dearly loved by this man. There are so many reasons for why I love and want to be with this diverse and interesting person and there is no doubt in my mind that we are meant to be together. <3

One thing we are planning straight after our marriage is to have children and this is, for us both, but especially for me, something I cannot wait for and something I take very very seriously! I intend to learn from a lot of marriages and relationships in my life that did not work out and how the children were effected by these relationships. Everyone makes mistakes but there are certain things that both my partner and I went through as children that we do not want our children experiencing. - probably just like everybody else. 

My main concern is the environment and type of place where we will bring up our children. I am still so young and I am so worried that we will not have everything we need that we want to give our children. I need to have a good home, where there are no negative influences from other people -  and obviously be financially stable enough. 

Now I know I am probably being overly paranoid and it may seem like I am looking for reasons not to go ahead with our plans but I am not. We would not have made the decision to get married and have children if we didn't feel stable enough.  It is probably just my motherly instinct popping her head up and trying to guide me in the right direction - but instead knowing my intense personality - is pushing or shouting me in the right direction! ;-) Here is what my horoscope says about me and I think it is amazingly spot one:

"She is a fiercely protective mother and will do anything to safeguard her children. At times a little too strict with them, but they often understand her better when they are older."

Now I really hope that I can balance my motherly instincts when I do become a mother so that I do not become an overly protective and over bearing parent. But right now - even before I have even fallen pregnant - I am already worrying myself silly about whether everything we do and have done will be good enough.  

I, like the rest of us, am only human though - and I think that everyone to some extent knows what it feels like to want to protect someone/thing you love. I know that we will both do the best we can when it comes to our children and I know that we will bring up amazing people and I will be a proud mother. - even now before I have met my children I already feel the love I feel for them bubbling up inside of me!

A song I know best describes how I am feeling now, it is by Elton John called Your Song. The first three verses gets it exactly right:

                                                  ~  It's a little bit funny this feeling inside

I'm not one of those who can easily hide

I don't have much money but boy if I did

I'd buy a big house where we both could live

                                                   If I was a sculptor, but then again, no

Or a man who makes potions in a travelling show

I know it's not much but it's the best I can do

My gift is my song and this one's for you

                                              And you can tell everybody this is your song

It may be quite simple but now that it's done

I hope you don't mind

I hope you don't mind that I put down in words

How wonderful life is while you're in the world ~

Sigh* I think that when it comes to this - like every aspect in our lives - we need to remember to find our center have faith and trust in a Higher Power and know that things just work out the way they are supposed to in the end. - trying to be in control and constantly trying to be the one in power will only distort or even slow down process towards the way things should be. 

*Everything is already as it should be*

Espavo!