There was a point in my life
when I used look at men with utter disgust. I used to wonder when men decided
that 30 was the new 19. When men thought it was better to remain single and
independent than staying committed to another. When men thought it okay to be courageous
on nights out but afraid to be fathers. I use to wonder when it was that
"guy night" became more important than movie night and date night. I
used to wonder when men became boys and when staying out became better than
showing up…
True it is that some of these
statements are true about some men – men who have given other men horrible
reputations - me cooler than showing up. but
today I want to write about the good men, a tribute to the wonderful man I
found (or who found me). A real man – who knows what it truly means to be a
loving partner and an awesome father. This is to all of the other men out there
who put their families first – you are loved and appreciated, thank you.
I got divorced while I was
three months pregnant with my ex-husband’s second child. The reason for my
decision was based on my children’s happiness and well-being. To be honest (and
I know this puts me in a somewhat very weak light) I would never have left this
man if it was not for my children. I would have let him carry on with his ways
until my time on earth was over if my children were not born. When I brought my
first child into this world – it was only then that I realized how poisonous
the relationship was between my ex-husband and I and all I worried about was
how badly it would affect my children. I had to get them away from this
environment – I could not let them watch me die inside every day – their hearts
and their well-being is all that matters. And so I left him… after watching my
almost 2 year old look at me with pain in his eyes because mommy was trying to
hold back the tears – at that very moment I made the decision to take the first
step I needed to take in the right direction. And let me tell you, when I took
that first step – everything else just fell into place and I have never been in
a better place than where I have been since then to this day.
Shortly after making that life
changing decision – I met someone else. He was one of the kindest souls I had
ever met, gentle, awkward, sweet and funny. He helped me through the difficult
transition I was going through, made me feel confident in myself and made me
see the happier, lighter side of life. It turned into us constantly messaging
each other every day until the early hours of each morning. Speaking to each
other every day, caring about each other’s day – I believe the love between us
was already felt by both of us long before we actually told each other we did.
Yes! We fell in love… He fell in love
with me… ME! the pregnant, divorced, single mother of one (soon to be two)…
this wreck of a woman! This wonderful man – wanted me AND I wanted him. For the
first time in my whole existence I knew what it felt like to be truly loved and
to love someone completely. With no judgment, no fear or expectation – I loved
this man the moment our eyes met.
One of the most heartwarming
parts of this story is the fact that he accepted my children as his own. He
took them in and embraced them with love and understanding. For the first time
my children had a real father. He was there for the birth of my second child,
he held him for the first time. He has helped me every night, since the day we
moved in together, with the baby/toddler night shifts, the warming up of
bottles and the nappy changes. Even more of a shocker – he has let me go off for
an hour or two on weekends so that I can do Parkruns or my hair at the salon while
he cares for the kids.
To this day I still feel like
I am living in some sort of fantasy – never in my wildest dreams would I have
ever thought that I would be with someone who treated me so well and for who I
just want to love and care for. That I would find someone who is the perfect
father role model for my children.
He restored my faith in men, it
really is true that not all men are dogs. We need to remember that we deserve
love, true love, happiness and respect. The same goes for men who are in bad
relationships with women who treat them badly. There are good people out there…
you don’t have to be in an abusive relationship. Get out, for your own sake.
And if your own sake is not good enough then for your children’s sake, for your
unborn children’s sake and for the sake of your family and the people who love
you. We all deserve to be happy, no matter what you look like, no matter what
you are going through, the right man/woman is out there for you – someone who
will love you like you should be loved. Nobody deserves to be treated badly.
Life is too short to waste it on trying to save a relationship that has already
hit the rocks. Pick up from where you are and move on – life has better things
planned for you. Divorce does not mean a dead end. It is brand new beginnings
and a clean slate.
You are stronger than you
think.
